And I’m burnt out.
I’ve deleted and rewritten several times and hesitated posting. Whatever. I’m throwing my own little pity party and it is embarrassing to invite you all but come on in. Not every day is a dance party, right?
So, word to wise – Never, ever try to be ambitious when you know your sanity is teetering the edge.
Extra efforts go seemingly unnoticed, unappreciated and they manage to suck any excess energy I had, once fueled by good intention. Come on, kids! This will be FUN! Yes, it looked like an excellent sensory craft to pass the time but instead of my (nearly) 3 year old happily gluing puff balls to create an underwater landscape, I’m spent trying to explain why she can’t stick the puffs on her sister and regulating the blatant waste of $6 worth of glitter.
Perhaps I would accept these efforts without complaint if they produced some childhood treasure or precious moment. I imagine a proud smile and snuggles while we fawn over her mini masterpiece, discussing the placement of every color and covering her with praise and kisses for such creative genius. But instead, shoves it in the trash while I’m salvaging glitter before her younger sister licks it off of the floor. Or, she happily announces that Daddy needs to take it to work because, clearly, all the lucky things in life get to spend their days in a quiet, air conditioned office with it’s own single-occupancy bathroom.
I am not begrudging of this role. I recognize how blessed I am by these children and how priviledged I am to be the one raising them 24/7. I just feel like I missed some crash course in being a fun and exciting momma. Something that would have taught me how to be excited by play-do instead of dreading scraping it from the crevices in the floor.
The more sensible portion of my brain remembers the wise words and gentle reminders that kids don’t need fireworks or grand gestures to learn, play or know they are loved. When other’s are setting up elaborate invitations to play, I’m just trying to get the dishwasher unloaded while praying to God that markers and a Dora The Explorer coloring book is stimulating enough.
Tomorrow is a new day and there is always more glitter just waiting to be tossed on the floor. Until then, I’m just going to rest easy in this lameness.