I never understood why people claimed having a puppy was like taking care of a newborn. While well meaning, these people are way off the mark. Like, by miles. States, even. Babies are human and puppies are, obviously, dogs. When you have a newborn, your body is recovering from a traumatic event, you are doped up on postpartum hormones and you’re leaking milk everywhere. And newborns sleep. Yes, coming home with a newborn is an adjustment in your way of life – as with a dog – but that is where the similarities end.
Instead, I would argue that getting a puppy is much more in line with life with a toddler.
1. If they are quiet, they are getting in to trouble.
2. They can’t be trusted with anything of value. It doesn’t matter if I put the Wii remote out of reach, both puppy and toddler will stop at no lengths to reach it.
3. Everything goes directly in the mouth (see point #2).
4. Discipline is completely ineffective.
5. At any given moment, there is a good chance you will find bodily fluid on the carpet.
6. Sometimes you just need to lock them up (or put them in their crib, obviously) for one. freaking. moment. to think.
7. Their worlds revolve around food. I dare you to try and take a treat away from them. Hint: it will probably involve biting in both instances.
8. You find yourself repeating “no, no baby girl!” and “come here, sweetie!” in a sweet sing-songy voice over and over again with no change in tone or purpose between child and cur.
9. They cry at bed time and guilt you into letting them sleep in the big bed.
10. They are so much fun. Seriously, a blast.