Strengthening.

I’m struggling through the thickest and most unfortunate sludge of writer’s block imaginable. It isn’t for lack of content – I assure you, there have been loads of hilarity and revelation happening here on a regular basis. But I just can’t get my brain to focus long enough to type out a coherent sentence that doesn’t sound read like it was composed by an eighth grader. Although I’m sure there are some eighth graders who write really well. Who knows, maybe all my writings have the markings of a teenager. Maybe I should doodle some hearts in the margins?

Over the summer, I remarked that sometimes so much life happens that it becomes difficult to even know where or how to pick up and resume. Again. Sometimes I think it would be easier to just snuff it all out with a stubby eraser and begin fresh again.  With writing, that is. I have no plans to snuff out anything more permanent or significant.  Except the dog, perhaps, as she recently ate the wood trim on our very large and expensive windows. We really love her, I swear.

In two months time, big, big, life marking things have happened. I’m writing about them privately in my little 13-year-old-like sentences and will share them eventually, but not now. I’d like to keep them as my own for a while longer. Because once they’re out there, pieces of the story begin to belong to others and I’m feeling rather selfish and protective. How’s that for ambiguous?

Otherwise, I’m using this time to rebuild myself. I’ve been rather absent from the functioning world for the past two months and I’d like to rejoin the land of the living. I want to make sure that the things I’m spending my time doing are worthwhile and done with the right intentions.

Beginning with writing again. Like other muscles, it’s amazing how quickly they weaken and how difficult it is to strengthen them again. I started running again and it has been miserable and harder to resume than it was to start in the first place. I’m slower, my muscles ache and every mile feels like two. This is mostly a mental issue and I’m hoping that dealing with the other life issues will eventually help this.

Josh bought me a new “nifty fifty” lens for my camera (thanks Nicole for the recommendation!) and I’m in love and confused and excited and overwhelmed all at once. I’m amazed at how little I remember from my college photography course. Goodness, every single photo I take is a gamble. Chances are, either my shutter speed, aperture, ISO or focus are way off on any given shot (and usually more than one) and I miss a great photo. It’s tempting to put it in auto mode and give up but I really like to master this. Or at least become not so bad at it. A fancy camera certainly doesn’t make you a photographer.

Until then, some iPhone photos to recap life as of late.

burlapwreath_1

I made a wreath! It was so easy. Which is saying a lot for this non-crafty person.

BBallet_1

Blair started ballet. We began with a mommy and me class in September but she has now graduated to a “real” ballet class complete with leotards and tiny ballet slippers.

IMG_8598

Homeschooling has been going just swimmingly. I’m not sure it’s something we’ll do forever but for the time being, it’s good. I’m not following a formal curriculum so I’ve been pulling a lot of interest-based pieces from across the interwebz. This fun princess pre-K pack is from Overthebigmoon.com and they have lots of fun character and seasonal options. Em loves doing school and I quickly run out of formal activities.

So, this ended up being a rather random collection of thoughts. I’m here. I’m alive. I’m working on being more alive.

How are you? What’s new?

Advertisements

One thought on “Strengthening.

  1. SO good to read your writing again. I missed this spot! oh life…. I am sorry you have had such a roller coster of a time… but running and writing, these things are therapeutic, and I am glad you are back. DONT STOP WRITING!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s